We are
nothing but
What our
imagination
allows
us to be.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Poem #15
There is a color
that reminds me of you
every time.
When you kiss my neck
and it sends shivers
down my spine
and
I turn into a ribbon
floating in the wind.
that reminds me of you
every time.
When you kiss my neck
and it sends shivers
down my spine
and
I turn into a ribbon
floating in the wind.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Poem #13
He told me he loves me.
I just stare out the sunroof as the clouds seem to separate into a layer other than the sky, than the rest of the world.
I was up there.
I was in the clouds.
I just stare out the sunroof as the clouds seem to separate into a layer other than the sky, than the rest of the world.
I was up there.
I was in the clouds.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Reasons I May Like My Best Friend.
Well, I was just in the shower (which is where I do my best thinking), and I just couldn't get my mind off the fact that I may like my best friend. I just need to concretely see these reasons, writing them was my next rational option, because where my thoughts end, words always seem to begin.
1. He actually knows me. This is very important because usually guys get to know me well enough to get me to go out with them, or try to get me to sleep with them. (That's right boys, I'm on to you.)
2. He's really good-looking, within the first week of knowing him I remember telling my friend Jessie that "he has a face hand-crafted by the gods." Yeah, I know I'm a tad dramatic, but hey, he's super cute.
3. I know he would do anything in his power to help me if I needed him to.
4. He's a caring soul. When a teacher made me cry one day in class, I ran out of the room to go to the bathroom to cry in solitude; he came running after me.
5. I honestly don't think I could get tired of him, we just connect like that.
6. He's a mystery, I say this because, yes, I do know him very well, but he's quiet and introvert when it comes to his feelings. I can't tell if he likes me more than a friend or not, and usually I am a very good judge at that.
7. We can literally joke about everything, and boy do I mean EVERYTHING. We once joked about poop. I'm not kidding.
8. I'm very comfortable around him. It's not the situation where you know someone and you like them so in your mind you put them higher than yourself like "Wow, that person isn't half as gross as me, I bet they never have earwax or pimples". With us, we understand we're both human and we have bodily functions, like passing gas, pooping, earwax, zits, and all that gross stuff.
9. We find ways to touch each other, and not in the sexual way or anything, I just like to feel warmth. When we watch movies or do notes in the class we sit beside each other in, we always have our knees, legs, or feet touching. It's almost a security blanket.
10. He'd protect me in a heart beat. I know this because when the teacher made me cry in the situation mentioned in number 4, the teacher gave him and another student a project to work on outside the room so he could yell at me and my fellow "fuck-up" (I never cuss, that's a direct quote). When he asked me what was said he told me "That's why he made me and Jess leave, because he knows I'd say something about him yelling at you like that, it's not okay. He's knows I would have fought back."
I just don't even want to be anything serious with anyone else. Trust me, I've tried replacing him, but I haven't found a soul I favor as much as I favor his. It's not only his perfections I like; I like the things that he contradicts himself about. I like how when I don't know how to do something he doesn't treat me like an idiot, he explains, he reiterates, and helps me until I understand. His patience and acceptance are so appealing. The way his glasses perch on his face, the way he sniffs when he has a cold, just everything is so familiar and welcomed by me. There isn't anything I wouldn't accept about him because I understand he would always accept me. We may not have to be in constant communication to understand we're right there when the other is in need, I feel like that is an element I've never had in any of my other relationships. I feel like if things don't work out for us, we will always be friends. There's definite reserved spot in my heart for him.
1. He actually knows me. This is very important because usually guys get to know me well enough to get me to go out with them, or try to get me to sleep with them. (That's right boys, I'm on to you.)
2. He's really good-looking, within the first week of knowing him I remember telling my friend Jessie that "he has a face hand-crafted by the gods." Yeah, I know I'm a tad dramatic, but hey, he's super cute.
3. I know he would do anything in his power to help me if I needed him to.
4. He's a caring soul. When a teacher made me cry one day in class, I ran out of the room to go to the bathroom to cry in solitude; he came running after me.
5. I honestly don't think I could get tired of him, we just connect like that.
6. He's a mystery, I say this because, yes, I do know him very well, but he's quiet and introvert when it comes to his feelings. I can't tell if he likes me more than a friend or not, and usually I am a very good judge at that.
7. We can literally joke about everything, and boy do I mean EVERYTHING. We once joked about poop. I'm not kidding.
8. I'm very comfortable around him. It's not the situation where you know someone and you like them so in your mind you put them higher than yourself like "Wow, that person isn't half as gross as me, I bet they never have earwax or pimples". With us, we understand we're both human and we have bodily functions, like passing gas, pooping, earwax, zits, and all that gross stuff.
9. We find ways to touch each other, and not in the sexual way or anything, I just like to feel warmth. When we watch movies or do notes in the class we sit beside each other in, we always have our knees, legs, or feet touching. It's almost a security blanket.
10. He'd protect me in a heart beat. I know this because when the teacher made me cry in the situation mentioned in number 4, the teacher gave him and another student a project to work on outside the room so he could yell at me and my fellow "fuck-up" (I never cuss, that's a direct quote). When he asked me what was said he told me "That's why he made me and Jess leave, because he knows I'd say something about him yelling at you like that, it's not okay. He's knows I would have fought back."
I just don't even want to be anything serious with anyone else. Trust me, I've tried replacing him, but I haven't found a soul I favor as much as I favor his. It's not only his perfections I like; I like the things that he contradicts himself about. I like how when I don't know how to do something he doesn't treat me like an idiot, he explains, he reiterates, and helps me until I understand. His patience and acceptance are so appealing. The way his glasses perch on his face, the way he sniffs when he has a cold, just everything is so familiar and welcomed by me. There isn't anything I wouldn't accept about him because I understand he would always accept me. We may not have to be in constant communication to understand we're right there when the other is in need, I feel like that is an element I've never had in any of my other relationships. I feel like if things don't work out for us, we will always be friends. There's definite reserved spot in my heart for him.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
I Want to Swim in the Garden.
There it is again, that sinking feeling deep down in your core. It feels like the world has thrown me into the raging ocean with nothing but a life jacket for a toddler. It's just enough to keep my head above water, it's enough to keep me from dying as my fragile, breakable body is shoved and jerked around by the violence of the storm. My life is just one big movie. A movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat, a movie that you wouldn't tell any of your friends about because it's treasured. It's your's and you want to sit alone in your room and watch over and over because it gives you feelings that you couldn't openly share with others. My life is a roller coaster of genres. One day I am preppy with my argyle socks and matching sweater, the next I smear dark eye shadow on the pale skin of my eyelids and prance around in my black suede combat boots. People may think I don't know who am I. I've hit that crucial point in life where no matter what costume I choose for the day, I know who I am underneath the multicolored fabrics. And I understand a very hard concept that many people never grasp. Underneath our clothes were all naked. We are all the same. We are all the same, we are humans. We are all made up of the same materials, we are all carbon-based. I don't care if someone's sexual orientation is different than my own, or what religion they are, or if they prefer mayonnaise on their burger instead of ketchup. If they have a pair of expensive shoes, or if they only wear old tee shirts and jeans, it's okay. It's not our job, as humans, to judge, belittle, and berate others of choices they make. Because at the end of the day, who cares if they wear different socks on each foot, who cares if they wear black and brown in the same outfit, who cares if a girl is 110 pounds or 160? What's on the outside is superficial, the fundamentals of their personality may have nothing to do with appearance. I am a human, and so are you. We all live in a tumble of weeds, and everyday we have to pull one out in order to grow the garden of who we are. Some gardens may be more extravagant than others, some may be full of roses and others full of different grasses, and that's okay because it's still beautiful and it's still our own. I have have a little bit of everything in mine, I feel as though I have a plethora of colors that almost burst from the petals of each and every flower. Not everyday can be sunny, so we have to remember that we shouldn't fight who we are, and we should always fight the tempest that comes our way. We need to view struggle, not as a thing to avoid, but a thing to dive head first into, because struggle builds us, struggle helps define us.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Angels Still Watch Over Me.
A week ago I went downtown with Benn and well, we ended up cuddling in the park. I lost my favorite and most prized necklace. It was a beautiful angel I bought at the National Cathedral. I bought my angel because she was the angel of friendship, and I've always struggled with friends. I wore her and she always seemed to comfort me, not that I'm religious, but she was still comforting. I had never seen real snow before buying her. I had her in my hand and I wrapped myself up in a bundle coats and fabrics to keep me warm, and I walked outside. It was snowing, and a totally different kind of snow than what we get in Greenville. It was beautiful and pure. I just stood outside with my face toward the clouds until I had snowflakes in my eyelashes. I had worn her every day, every minute until her chain broke and I connected her to my favorite color green ribbon. I miss her dearly. I need to find a replacement. I think it's silly how much I valued her, how much I depended on her to make friends. Angel's still watch over me.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
When I Can't Sleep.
Sometimes when I'm up at night and I can't sleep, I play back memories. Sometimes they're so vivid, I can even smell the atmosphere of my memory. This morning when I couldn't sleep, I thought of the time I went to The Green River Preserve camp in North Carolina. I thought of how I would go to bed freezing and wake up warm; then go to breakfast freezing again until I finished my hot plate. I don't know why, but this memory was so vivid I felt as if there was an instant temperature change in my room. I remember what it felt like to stand outside the cafeteria and sing chants in the morning; and come back after the day's adventure to sing chants to thank the Earth for all we have. Sometimes when I'm up at night and I can't sleep, I thank the people that go on unthanked. Sometimes I thank my mom and dad. Sometimes I thank the stars and the moon. But mostly I thank the Earth, because she gave me everything; she gave me you.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Oops.
So I haven't blogged in a while, and I deserve a good slap on the wrist. As of Thursday I have been reading a very inspiring book called "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". Wow...Just wow. This book is connecting with me on 1,000 levels. The writing style is brilliant! It was given to me by a girl in my technical theatre class named Jess. I think she and I may become good friends, but we'll see. I've been struggling with high school lately (not academically, more or less socially). I'm growing more and more to dislike most people. Also, I've been having anxiety attacks over my birthday. Silly, right? Birthdays are supposed to be fun and awesome, especially your 16th. But unfortunately we cant afford sometime grand, and I prefer something small anyways. And all I want for my birthday is driving classes and my license and a car. Cliche. But I think my parents are going to get me and iPod. I don't want to sound ungrateful at all, because and iPod is a great gift, and they're not cheap, but I just wished my parents would listen to me. For example, the other day my mother and I were talking about what I wanted to do for a birthday party. I told my mother I wasn't sure yet, but I knew it would be small and only with a few friends. And promptly my father told me that I didn't have friends, and the only thing I could say without bursting into a sobbing mess was "You're right", my mother said nothing in my defense, so I just walked away and locked myself in my room. We haven't talked about a party since. I'm starting to really think about what it means to have friends, and what separates acquaintances from friends. Sure, I have many acquaintances, but only a few friends if any at all. Which conveniently goes back to the book. I want to have friends like Sam and Patrick. I want to have people I have moments I feel "infinite" with. I want to be a teenager, and live like a teenager, and feel how a teenager feels, and have great teenager glory moments. Instead I sit at home, read, listen to music, and sleep. I'm hoping my day to live comes soon. I'm ready. I used to live and feel free and invincible, but the person that gave me all those memories is gone, everyone leaves in some sense. They may not die, but your friendship might have. But I guess that's a part of life, too. The one think I'm actually excited for is our production this year at Fine Arts Center "My Name is Rachel Corrie". Great play for sure, it's real, like REAL. Rachel Corrie was a real person until the Israeli army bulldozed her. I honestly don't know much about politics or other countries, so this play is a eye opener for me. We are the first theatre to do it in this area. It's only been preformed a few other times by theatres in Europe and New York. We're just teenagers doing a play that's really controversial. That's why I love the Fine Arts Center. We're constantly challenged. Well, that's enough ranting for today.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
The World of Coke.
Today, my family from Jersey decided to take a trip to Atlanta, Georgia (it's only a 3 hour drive). I tagged along in hopes of getting one last hurrah in before school tomorrow. The World Of Coke is surprisingly awesome. However, I do not recomend doing acid then going there (not from personal expirence), the exhibit centered around the secret formula was trippy. Not only were there projections, cameras everywhere, and strange whispering sounds. It made me feel quite uncomfortable, but sometimes I'm just a scaredy-cat. Theodore "Pop-Culture" exhibit was amazing. I guess I never realized how influential a soda could be. The museum had the original advertising posters from the 50's. My father said the museum would have been a "[antique] picker's heaven". I do have to say that my favorite exhibit had to be the Coke tasting room. It was fantastic! I tried Coke products from Africa, Europe, Asia, Latin America, and North America! Some of the tastes weren't expected, like the "Beverly" from Italy.
I tried every flavor there, because even if you didn't fancy the taste, you still tried it and made the memory. We spent about 30 minutes in the gift shop, but I don't mind because my aunt and uncle bought me a cute shirt (which I'm probably going to wear tomorrow on the first day of school). After The World of Coke we went to The Atlanta Underground (which is a pain to get to, we got lost. Twice.). Atlanta's Underground is similar to a market place or a shopping mall with a lot of kiosks. I was quite worried the whole time because there were so many people who appeared to be nafarious, it was a sketchy place. According to my uncle and father the area had really cleaned up since they were here in the late 70's/early 80's. We ate at this little restaurant called "The Georgia Peach", they had amazing southern food (better than my Mama's). I didn't even care the location of the restaurant once food hit the table. It was seriously some of the best food I have ever had. Overall, I think the last hurrah to my summer was quite a sucess, I've definately made some great memories today!
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Saturday, August 18, 2012
Salon Express: A Review of Sorts.
Two days ago, my aunt and I went to CVS to get some nail polish and the Salon Express. I was a bit weary to spend $10 on something that might not work, we all know how those "As Seen on TV" products work, you buy it, use it once, and it's not as good as advertised. So I looked at reviews of the Salon Express, and most seemed positive so I gave it a chance, and I LOVE IT. I'm a huge nail fanatic, I love doing my own nails and other people's. Example of my aunt's nails I did is below. They are pink and zebra stripes. I'm not that bad for not having the proper brushes and polishes. So, as I said in my last post my sister Lisa, and my niece Miriam are visiting for the weekend. Since Miriam is the ultimate girly-girl, we had to do nails! She went nuts over the Salon Express! Its well designed with a two sided stamp, a small side (for little nails and precise placement) and the larger stamp (for full nail designs). The only downside I have found is the scraper tool actually scrapes the design plates (a old gift card works way better). Also, the nail polish you apply to the plates needs to be thick (I use the Art Deco brand from Dollar General). The kit comes with 5 design plates with such cute designs for all ages. Over all, I would give the Salon Express a 8 of 10 because sometimes it doesn't pick up the whole pattern, but it's even easy to do with your non-dominant hand, which is almost everyone's problem when painting nails. It's totally worth the $10 you spend! So go and be proud that you can get such chic nails at home and cheaper than the salon by far!
 |
| The Salon Express in the packaging you'll see in stores. |
 |
| My aunt's nails I did before I owned the Salon Express. |
 |
| My thumb after stamping it. |
 |
| My matching toes. |
 |
| Miriam's butterfly on her thumb, it's even good for little fingers! |
It's Family Time!
So, my 28 year old sister and my 4 year old niece arrived at my house yesterday around 10 pm. My niece is the cutest thing ever, she likes to watch movies while she goes to sleep, so we browsed Netflix for Kids last night, until she saw the "Rugrats" (great taste, if I do say so myself). As we watched the episode she picked, it rehashed so many memories from when I was her age. Also, it reminded me of my favorite "Rugrats" episode 2 season 2, "Meet the Carmichaels". I don't know why but all the different shapes of jellos really mesmerized me. But as I type this, I'm watching the VHS version of "101 Dalmatians", another classic of my youth. My niece has great taste in shows and movies so far, but I would have rather watched "Tarzan" but when she makes up her mind, there's no going back. Sometimes, I reflect on my childhood and how the only thing I wanted more than a "Barbie Jeep" (the one you could actually drive around), was to be a "grown up". I now regret having grown up so fast, being older SUCKS. I may only be 15, but I do understand all the money it takes to maintain a house; there's rent, water, power, food, gas, shower curtains, dishes, toiletries, cable, clothing, and so many other random expenses that could pop up at any moment. Being an adult seems scary! Its not rainbows, butterflies, and lollipops; it's hospital bills, long hours at work, and feeding yourself with Ramen Noodles every meal because you don't have money for food because you spent your whole paycheck on housing bills. I only have 3 years of high school left. You guys, I'm growing up way too fast! Can't I just turn 16 and stay 16 forever?
Friday, August 17, 2012
My Headaches
And no, I'm not talking about a person (although, I know quite a few people that could be considered the source of my headaches). Anyways... Headaches are quite fascinating, painful, but fascinating. There are several varieties of headaches (150 different headache categories to be exact). One of the most common headaches is the tension headache; which can be described as a the scalp muscles or the neck muscles contract and feel as if there is a tightening band wrapped around your head. Tension headaches can be "episodic" which means they happen less than 15 times a month, or "chronic" more than 15 times a month. These headaches can actually last days (trust me). Okay, next type of headache is the dreaded *cue scary music* MIGRAINE. This type of headache is the reason I started writing this (I go to a neurologist because of my frequent migraines and I'm currently suffering from one). Science hasn't found the exact reason these headaches happen or why they are triggered by bright lights, strong odors, and loud sounds. Migraines can be inherited because of "abnormalities in certain parts of the brain". The pain is described as "throbbing, or pounding". These headaches can be hours to three days. Some of the side effects are nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, dizziness, blurred vision, and it can cause a person to become pale. If you have migraines 4 or more times a month, go see a neurologist, they work wonders! Now on to cluster headaches, although they aren't as common, they still affect about 0.1% (doesn't sound like a lot, but it's actually 7,000,000 people). Usually this headache originates behind one eye or around the eyes, but doesn't really "move around" (what I mean by that is it doesn't start in the right then migrate to the temples). They call them "cluster" headaches because it has a "characteristic grouping of attacks". You might get these headaches often then one day you seemed cured or as if you went into remission, but sadly this might not be so. These headache can attack every day the seem to disappear, then like an unwelcome house guest, pop up months or even years later. The final headache I will educate you on is the sinus headache. These are commonly linked with sinus infections. The pain is deep and constant in the cheekbones, bridge of the nose, and forehead. There are a few symptoms that are coupled with sinus headaches; stuffy/runny nose, clogged ears, excess phlegm in the throat, swelling of the face, and sometimes a fever. If you're experiencing headaches often, you might want to look into finding a doctor, and maybe one day you might stumble into my (future) office.
Shark Week?
This is my second post today, is that a blogging "no-no"? Oh well, I have a lot to say. Okay let's go. Shark Week. I'm rather terrified of sharks to be honest, "Jaws" really messed me up. I understand they're beautiful, but the only way I want to be around a shark is if it is behind aquarium walls, thick acrylic, bullet proof plexiglass sort of deal. I watched a whole show about survivors of shark attacks yesterday. They said on average 5 people are bitten a year, but this seems a bit wrong since they were talking about the "rogue shark theory" and 5 people were torn apart in a span of about a week around Egypt (if I remember right). To make my fear worse, we bought a Timeshare in the shark bite capital of the world, New Smyrna Beach, Florida. I usually stay in the pool. The one time I actually got in the ocean a friend's little brother scared me (he went behind me, went under the water and grabbed my leg. I screamed like a little baby). I just remember thinking "This is how I'm going to die." morbid right? But back to how pretty sharks are. They're gorgeous, and people are poaching them for dorsal fin soup. Sometimes fisherman are trying to trap bigger fish like sable fish or marlin in net traps or something they call "long lines", but they get sharks instead and kill them. Reproductive and growth rates for sharks are slow causing them to become vulnerable to over fishing. Come on people, is dorsal fin soup really worth killing off the majestic shark? I want my grandchildren to be able to see a shark in real life, not in a book because they are extinct. Save the Sharks! (And polar bears, save them too!)
Reasons Behind the Blog.
So, I was watching this random movie on Netflix called "Archie's Final Project". I actually really enjoyed it. The main plot is this kid loves to video anything and everything, he's in his high school's film making class and his teacher is asking around to see what each student is doing for their final film project. Archie decided he was going to document his whole life up until his final project, his suicide. Needless to say, I got a tad emotional during this movie. The whole movie I was thinking "This kid has something. What do I have that I always do? Music? No. Art? No. Writing? YES." So that started me on a mad dash to find the best free blog site. Google and Dylan (who also blogs) lead me here. I hope you enjoy as I post random things. Also I'll post the imdb link the film, I suggest it to teenagers 13+, it does have some foul language and it also deals with a very serious and depressing topic.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492896/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492896/
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Poem #15
There is a color
that reminds me of you
every time.
When you kiss my neck
and it sends shivers
down my spine
and
I turn into a ribbon
floating in the wind.
Poem #13
He told me he loves me.
I just stare out the sunroof as the clouds seem to separate into a layer other than the sky, than the rest of the world.
I was up there.
I was in the clouds.
Reasons I May Like My Best Friend.
Well, I was just in the shower (which is where I do my best thinking), and I just couldn't get my mind off the fact that I may like my best friend. I just need to concretely see these reasons, writing them was my next rational option, because where my thoughts end, words always seem to begin.
1. He actually knows me. This is very important because usually guys get to know me well enough to get me to go out with them, or try to get me to sleep with them. (That's right boys, I'm on to you.)
2. He's really good-looking, within the first week of knowing him I remember telling my friend Jessie that "he has a face hand-crafted by the gods." Yeah, I know I'm a tad dramatic, but hey, he's super cute.
3. I know he would do anything in his power to help me if I needed him to.
4. He's a caring soul. When a teacher made me cry one day in class, I ran out of the room to go to the bathroom to cry in solitude; he came running after me.
5. I honestly don't think I could get tired of him, we just connect like that.
6. He's a mystery, I say this because, yes, I do know him very well, but he's quiet and introvert when it comes to his feelings. I can't tell if he likes me more than a friend or not, and usually I am a very good judge at that.
7. We can literally joke about everything, and boy do I mean EVERYTHING. We once joked about poop. I'm not kidding.
8. I'm very comfortable around him. It's not the situation where you know someone and you like them so in your mind you put them higher than yourself like "Wow, that person isn't half as gross as me, I bet they never have earwax or pimples". With us, we understand we're both human and we have bodily functions, like passing gas, pooping, earwax, zits, and all that gross stuff.
9. We find ways to touch each other, and not in the sexual way or anything, I just like to feel warmth. When we watch movies or do notes in the class we sit beside each other in, we always have our knees, legs, or feet touching. It's almost a security blanket.
10. He'd protect me in a heart beat. I know this because when the teacher made me cry in the situation mentioned in number 4, the teacher gave him and another student a project to work on outside the room so he could yell at me and my fellow "fuck-up" (I never cuss, that's a direct quote). When he asked me what was said he told me "That's why he made me and Jess leave, because he knows I'd say something about him yelling at you like that, it's not okay. He's knows I would have fought back."
I just don't even want to be anything serious with anyone else. Trust me, I've tried replacing him, but I haven't found a soul I favor as much as I favor his. It's not only his perfections I like; I like the things that he contradicts himself about. I like how when I don't know how to do something he doesn't treat me like an idiot, he explains, he reiterates, and helps me until I understand. His patience and acceptance are so appealing. The way his glasses perch on his face, the way he sniffs when he has a cold, just everything is so familiar and welcomed by me. There isn't anything I wouldn't accept about him because I understand he would always accept me. We may not have to be in constant communication to understand we're right there when the other is in need, I feel like that is an element I've never had in any of my other relationships. I feel like if things don't work out for us, we will always be friends. There's definite reserved spot in my heart for him.
1. He actually knows me. This is very important because usually guys get to know me well enough to get me to go out with them, or try to get me to sleep with them. (That's right boys, I'm on to you.)
2. He's really good-looking, within the first week of knowing him I remember telling my friend Jessie that "he has a face hand-crafted by the gods." Yeah, I know I'm a tad dramatic, but hey, he's super cute.
3. I know he would do anything in his power to help me if I needed him to.
4. He's a caring soul. When a teacher made me cry one day in class, I ran out of the room to go to the bathroom to cry in solitude; he came running after me.
5. I honestly don't think I could get tired of him, we just connect like that.
6. He's a mystery, I say this because, yes, I do know him very well, but he's quiet and introvert when it comes to his feelings. I can't tell if he likes me more than a friend or not, and usually I am a very good judge at that.
7. We can literally joke about everything, and boy do I mean EVERYTHING. We once joked about poop. I'm not kidding.
8. I'm very comfortable around him. It's not the situation where you know someone and you like them so in your mind you put them higher than yourself like "Wow, that person isn't half as gross as me, I bet they never have earwax or pimples". With us, we understand we're both human and we have bodily functions, like passing gas, pooping, earwax, zits, and all that gross stuff.
9. We find ways to touch each other, and not in the sexual way or anything, I just like to feel warmth. When we watch movies or do notes in the class we sit beside each other in, we always have our knees, legs, or feet touching. It's almost a security blanket.
10. He'd protect me in a heart beat. I know this because when the teacher made me cry in the situation mentioned in number 4, the teacher gave him and another student a project to work on outside the room so he could yell at me and my fellow "fuck-up" (I never cuss, that's a direct quote). When he asked me what was said he told me "That's why he made me and Jess leave, because he knows I'd say something about him yelling at you like that, it's not okay. He's knows I would have fought back."
I just don't even want to be anything serious with anyone else. Trust me, I've tried replacing him, but I haven't found a soul I favor as much as I favor his. It's not only his perfections I like; I like the things that he contradicts himself about. I like how when I don't know how to do something he doesn't treat me like an idiot, he explains, he reiterates, and helps me until I understand. His patience and acceptance are so appealing. The way his glasses perch on his face, the way he sniffs when he has a cold, just everything is so familiar and welcomed by me. There isn't anything I wouldn't accept about him because I understand he would always accept me. We may not have to be in constant communication to understand we're right there when the other is in need, I feel like that is an element I've never had in any of my other relationships. I feel like if things don't work out for us, we will always be friends. There's definite reserved spot in my heart for him.
I Want to Swim in the Garden.
There it is again, that sinking feeling deep down in your core. It feels like the world has thrown me into the raging ocean with nothing but a life jacket for a toddler. It's just enough to keep my head above water, it's enough to keep me from dying as my fragile, breakable body is shoved and jerked around by the violence of the storm. My life is just one big movie. A movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat, a movie that you wouldn't tell any of your friends about because it's treasured. It's your's and you want to sit alone in your room and watch over and over because it gives you feelings that you couldn't openly share with others. My life is a roller coaster of genres. One day I am preppy with my argyle socks and matching sweater, the next I smear dark eye shadow on the pale skin of my eyelids and prance around in my black suede combat boots. People may think I don't know who am I. I've hit that crucial point in life where no matter what costume I choose for the day, I know who I am underneath the multicolored fabrics. And I understand a very hard concept that many people never grasp. Underneath our clothes were all naked. We are all the same. We are all the same, we are humans. We are all made up of the same materials, we are all carbon-based. I don't care if someone's sexual orientation is different than my own, or what religion they are, or if they prefer mayonnaise on their burger instead of ketchup. If they have a pair of expensive shoes, or if they only wear old tee shirts and jeans, it's okay. It's not our job, as humans, to judge, belittle, and berate others of choices they make. Because at the end of the day, who cares if they wear different socks on each foot, who cares if they wear black and brown in the same outfit, who cares if a girl is 110 pounds or 160? What's on the outside is superficial, the fundamentals of their personality may have nothing to do with appearance. I am a human, and so are you. We all live in a tumble of weeds, and everyday we have to pull one out in order to grow the garden of who we are. Some gardens may be more extravagant than others, some may be full of roses and others full of different grasses, and that's okay because it's still beautiful and it's still our own. I have have a little bit of everything in mine, I feel as though I have a plethora of colors that almost burst from the petals of each and every flower. Not everyday can be sunny, so we have to remember that we shouldn't fight who we are, and we should always fight the tempest that comes our way. We need to view struggle, not as a thing to avoid, but a thing to dive head first into, because struggle builds us, struggle helps define us.
Angels Still Watch Over Me.
A week ago I went downtown with Benn and well, we ended up cuddling in the park. I lost my favorite and most prized necklace. It was a beautiful angel I bought at the National Cathedral. I bought my angel because she was the angel of friendship, and I've always struggled with friends. I wore her and she always seemed to comfort me, not that I'm religious, but she was still comforting. I had never seen real snow before buying her. I had her in my hand and I wrapped myself up in a bundle coats and fabrics to keep me warm, and I walked outside. It was snowing, and a totally different kind of snow than what we get in Greenville. It was beautiful and pure. I just stood outside with my face toward the clouds until I had snowflakes in my eyelashes. I had worn her every day, every minute until her chain broke and I connected her to my favorite color green ribbon. I miss her dearly. I need to find a replacement. I think it's silly how much I valued her, how much I depended on her to make friends. Angel's still watch over me.
When I Can't Sleep.
Sometimes when I'm up at night and I can't sleep, I play back memories. Sometimes they're so vivid, I can even smell the atmosphere of my memory. This morning when I couldn't sleep, I thought of the time I went to The Green River Preserve camp in North Carolina. I thought of how I would go to bed freezing and wake up warm; then go to breakfast freezing again until I finished my hot plate. I don't know why, but this memory was so vivid I felt as if there was an instant temperature change in my room. I remember what it felt like to stand outside the cafeteria and sing chants in the morning; and come back after the day's adventure to sing chants to thank the Earth for all we have. Sometimes when I'm up at night and I can't sleep, I thank the people that go on unthanked. Sometimes I thank my mom and dad. Sometimes I thank the stars and the moon. But mostly I thank the Earth, because she gave me everything; she gave me you.
Oops.
So I haven't blogged in a while, and I deserve a good slap on the wrist. As of Thursday I have been reading a very inspiring book called "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". Wow...Just wow. This book is connecting with me on 1,000 levels. The writing style is brilliant! It was given to me by a girl in my technical theatre class named Jess. I think she and I may become good friends, but we'll see. I've been struggling with high school lately (not academically, more or less socially). I'm growing more and more to dislike most people. Also, I've been having anxiety attacks over my birthday. Silly, right? Birthdays are supposed to be fun and awesome, especially your 16th. But unfortunately we cant afford sometime grand, and I prefer something small anyways. And all I want for my birthday is driving classes and my license and a car. Cliche. But I think my parents are going to get me and iPod. I don't want to sound ungrateful at all, because and iPod is a great gift, and they're not cheap, but I just wished my parents would listen to me. For example, the other day my mother and I were talking about what I wanted to do for a birthday party. I told my mother I wasn't sure yet, but I knew it would be small and only with a few friends. And promptly my father told me that I didn't have friends, and the only thing I could say without bursting into a sobbing mess was "You're right", my mother said nothing in my defense, so I just walked away and locked myself in my room. We haven't talked about a party since. I'm starting to really think about what it means to have friends, and what separates acquaintances from friends. Sure, I have many acquaintances, but only a few friends if any at all. Which conveniently goes back to the book. I want to have friends like Sam and Patrick. I want to have people I have moments I feel "infinite" with. I want to be a teenager, and live like a teenager, and feel how a teenager feels, and have great teenager glory moments. Instead I sit at home, read, listen to music, and sleep. I'm hoping my day to live comes soon. I'm ready. I used to live and feel free and invincible, but the person that gave me all those memories is gone, everyone leaves in some sense. They may not die, but your friendship might have. But I guess that's a part of life, too. The one think I'm actually excited for is our production this year at Fine Arts Center "My Name is Rachel Corrie". Great play for sure, it's real, like REAL. Rachel Corrie was a real person until the Israeli army bulldozed her. I honestly don't know much about politics or other countries, so this play is a eye opener for me. We are the first theatre to do it in this area. It's only been preformed a few other times by theatres in Europe and New York. We're just teenagers doing a play that's really controversial. That's why I love the Fine Arts Center. We're constantly challenged. Well, that's enough ranting for today.
The World of Coke.
Today, my family from Jersey decided to take a trip to Atlanta, Georgia (it's only a 3 hour drive). I tagged along in hopes of getting one last hurrah in before school tomorrow. The World Of Coke is surprisingly awesome. However, I do not recomend doing acid then going there (not from personal expirence), the exhibit centered around the secret formula was trippy. Not only were there projections, cameras everywhere, and strange whispering sounds. It made me feel quite uncomfortable, but sometimes I'm just a scaredy-cat. Theodore "Pop-Culture" exhibit was amazing. I guess I never realized how influential a soda could be. The museum had the original advertising posters from the 50's. My father said the museum would have been a "[antique] picker's heaven". I do have to say that my favorite exhibit had to be the Coke tasting room. It was fantastic! I tried Coke products from Africa, Europe, Asia, Latin America, and North America! Some of the tastes weren't expected, like the "Beverly" from Italy.
I tried every flavor there, because even if you didn't fancy the taste, you still tried it and made the memory. We spent about 30 minutes in the gift shop, but I don't mind because my aunt and uncle bought me a cute shirt (which I'm probably going to wear tomorrow on the first day of school). After The World of Coke we went to The Atlanta Underground (which is a pain to get to, we got lost. Twice.). Atlanta's Underground is similar to a market place or a shopping mall with a lot of kiosks. I was quite worried the whole time because there were so many people who appeared to be nafarious, it was a sketchy place. According to my uncle and father the area had really cleaned up since they were here in the late 70's/early 80's. We ate at this little restaurant called "The Georgia Peach", they had amazing southern food (better than my Mama's). I didn't even care the location of the restaurant once food hit the table. It was seriously some of the best food I have ever had. Overall, I think the last hurrah to my summer was quite a sucess, I've definately made some great memories today!
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Salon Express: A Review of Sorts.
Two days ago, my aunt and I went to CVS to get some nail polish and the Salon Express. I was a bit weary to spend $10 on something that might not work, we all know how those "As Seen on TV" products work, you buy it, use it once, and it's not as good as advertised. So I looked at reviews of the Salon Express, and most seemed positive so I gave it a chance, and I LOVE IT. I'm a huge nail fanatic, I love doing my own nails and other people's. Example of my aunt's nails I did is below. They are pink and zebra stripes. I'm not that bad for not having the proper brushes and polishes. So, as I said in my last post my sister Lisa, and my niece Miriam are visiting for the weekend. Since Miriam is the ultimate girly-girl, we had to do nails! She went nuts over the Salon Express! Its well designed with a two sided stamp, a small side (for little nails and precise placement) and the larger stamp (for full nail designs). The only downside I have found is the scraper tool actually scrapes the design plates (a old gift card works way better). Also, the nail polish you apply to the plates needs to be thick (I use the Art Deco brand from Dollar General). The kit comes with 5 design plates with such cute designs for all ages. Over all, I would give the Salon Express a 8 of 10 because sometimes it doesn't pick up the whole pattern, but it's even easy to do with your non-dominant hand, which is almost everyone's problem when painting nails. It's totally worth the $10 you spend! So go and be proud that you can get such chic nails at home and cheaper than the salon by far!
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| The Salon Express in the packaging you'll see in stores. |
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| My aunt's nails I did before I owned the Salon Express. |
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| My thumb after stamping it. |
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| My matching toes. |
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| Miriam's butterfly on her thumb, it's even good for little fingers! |
It's Family Time!
So, my 28 year old sister and my 4 year old niece arrived at my house yesterday around 10 pm. My niece is the cutest thing ever, she likes to watch movies while she goes to sleep, so we browsed Netflix for Kids last night, until she saw the "Rugrats" (great taste, if I do say so myself). As we watched the episode she picked, it rehashed so many memories from when I was her age. Also, it reminded me of my favorite "Rugrats" episode 2 season 2, "Meet the Carmichaels". I don't know why but all the different shapes of jellos really mesmerized me. But as I type this, I'm watching the VHS version of "101 Dalmatians", another classic of my youth. My niece has great taste in shows and movies so far, but I would have rather watched "Tarzan" but when she makes up her mind, there's no going back. Sometimes, I reflect on my childhood and how the only thing I wanted more than a "Barbie Jeep" (the one you could actually drive around), was to be a "grown up". I now regret having grown up so fast, being older SUCKS. I may only be 15, but I do understand all the money it takes to maintain a house; there's rent, water, power, food, gas, shower curtains, dishes, toiletries, cable, clothing, and so many other random expenses that could pop up at any moment. Being an adult seems scary! Its not rainbows, butterflies, and lollipops; it's hospital bills, long hours at work, and feeding yourself with Ramen Noodles every meal because you don't have money for food because you spent your whole paycheck on housing bills. I only have 3 years of high school left. You guys, I'm growing up way too fast! Can't I just turn 16 and stay 16 forever?
My Headaches
And no, I'm not talking about a person (although, I know quite a few people that could be considered the source of my headaches). Anyways... Headaches are quite fascinating, painful, but fascinating. There are several varieties of headaches (150 different headache categories to be exact). One of the most common headaches is the tension headache; which can be described as a the scalp muscles or the neck muscles contract and feel as if there is a tightening band wrapped around your head. Tension headaches can be "episodic" which means they happen less than 15 times a month, or "chronic" more than 15 times a month. These headaches can actually last days (trust me). Okay, next type of headache is the dreaded *cue scary music* MIGRAINE. This type of headache is the reason I started writing this (I go to a neurologist because of my frequent migraines and I'm currently suffering from one). Science hasn't found the exact reason these headaches happen or why they are triggered by bright lights, strong odors, and loud sounds. Migraines can be inherited because of "abnormalities in certain parts of the brain". The pain is described as "throbbing, or pounding". These headaches can be hours to three days. Some of the side effects are nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, dizziness, blurred vision, and it can cause a person to become pale. If you have migraines 4 or more times a month, go see a neurologist, they work wonders! Now on to cluster headaches, although they aren't as common, they still affect about 0.1% (doesn't sound like a lot, but it's actually 7,000,000 people). Usually this headache originates behind one eye or around the eyes, but doesn't really "move around" (what I mean by that is it doesn't start in the right then migrate to the temples). They call them "cluster" headaches because it has a "characteristic grouping of attacks". You might get these headaches often then one day you seemed cured or as if you went into remission, but sadly this might not be so. These headache can attack every day the seem to disappear, then like an unwelcome house guest, pop up months or even years later. The final headache I will educate you on is the sinus headache. These are commonly linked with sinus infections. The pain is deep and constant in the cheekbones, bridge of the nose, and forehead. There are a few symptoms that are coupled with sinus headaches; stuffy/runny nose, clogged ears, excess phlegm in the throat, swelling of the face, and sometimes a fever. If you're experiencing headaches often, you might want to look into finding a doctor, and maybe one day you might stumble into my (future) office.
Shark Week?
This is my second post today, is that a blogging "no-no"? Oh well, I have a lot to say. Okay let's go. Shark Week. I'm rather terrified of sharks to be honest, "Jaws" really messed me up. I understand they're beautiful, but the only way I want to be around a shark is if it is behind aquarium walls, thick acrylic, bullet proof plexiglass sort of deal. I watched a whole show about survivors of shark attacks yesterday. They said on average 5 people are bitten a year, but this seems a bit wrong since they were talking about the "rogue shark theory" and 5 people were torn apart in a span of about a week around Egypt (if I remember right). To make my fear worse, we bought a Timeshare in the shark bite capital of the world, New Smyrna Beach, Florida. I usually stay in the pool. The one time I actually got in the ocean a friend's little brother scared me (he went behind me, went under the water and grabbed my leg. I screamed like a little baby). I just remember thinking "This is how I'm going to die." morbid right? But back to how pretty sharks are. They're gorgeous, and people are poaching them for dorsal fin soup. Sometimes fisherman are trying to trap bigger fish like sable fish or marlin in net traps or something they call "long lines", but they get sharks instead and kill them. Reproductive and growth rates for sharks are slow causing them to become vulnerable to over fishing. Come on people, is dorsal fin soup really worth killing off the majestic shark? I want my grandchildren to be able to see a shark in real life, not in a book because they are extinct. Save the Sharks! (And polar bears, save them too!)
Reasons Behind the Blog.
So, I was watching this random movie on Netflix called "Archie's Final Project". I actually really enjoyed it. The main plot is this kid loves to video anything and everything, he's in his high school's film making class and his teacher is asking around to see what each student is doing for their final film project. Archie decided he was going to document his whole life up until his final project, his suicide. Needless to say, I got a tad emotional during this movie. The whole movie I was thinking "This kid has something. What do I have that I always do? Music? No. Art? No. Writing? YES." So that started me on a mad dash to find the best free blog site. Google and Dylan (who also blogs) lead me here. I hope you enjoy as I post random things. Also I'll post the imdb link the film, I suggest it to teenagers 13+, it does have some foul language and it also deals with a very serious and depressing topic.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492896/
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